That's how I feel right now, in so many ways.
The obvious (from the title): running. I love running. I love the freedom and the time alone. I love how I feel after running. Lately, though, it has been a struggle, and that is discouraging. All summer I was kind of lazy, blaming it on the heat. I used to be able to stroll out the door and finish 6 miles with no problem... now even finishing 3 or 4 is torture. My legs get tired after 20 minutes, all of my muscles just feel fatigued. I am constantly blaming it on the heat, but I'm not so sure that's really the problem. I do know that I have a half-marathon coming up in November, and I'm nowhere close to where I need to be... that's a problem.
The not so obvious: mothering. I had an asolutely incredible summer with my boys. We went nonstop, played constantly, laughed tons, and did lots of new and fun things. I had very little free time, but that really didn't phase me. You'd think that when they went back to school, having more free time to myself would make me an even better mom, with even more energy to go, go, go. For some reason, that's not the case. I feel like I have less patience with them and am needing a break. I get frustrated easily and just feel worn out and tired. I hate not being 100% 'on' for Jackson and Harris.
Another: being a friend, daughter, wife. There is so much I want to do with and for my friends and family, but I just can't pull it together. I feel distracted and unorganized. I'd love to make more dinners for friends with new babies, or to have a friend's children come play so she can have some much-needed time away. I'd love to send a special treat to my mom or to my dad, I'd love to cook a special dinner for my husband. Some days I'm just thankful there is a box of cereal in the pantry for dinner!
I really don't mean to complain. I love the time I have with my family, and I really love what I do. I think I am just needing a bit of a break, and thank goodness, I have one coming up in a couple of weeks. We have a super-busy fall in front of us, and I hate not to be living every moment of it. I know things will get better and my outlook will turn around. For now, though, I just have to keep moving and reminding myself "I think I can! I think I can"...
3 comments:
Of course you can!! I am a HUGE Amanda supporter and think you are a terrific mom who is "on" an awful lot and especially when it matters!
I also think you are a superb friend and am honored to call you one. Send those children down the street for some play time and enjoy some time alone. We all need it every once in a while!
You have just voiced what I think we all feel from time to time. I'm a little in the midst of it right now. I feel like there is so much more I should and can do but am not doing right now. Hang in there. You are a wonderful mother, wife, and friend. You can't be "on" all the time. No one can. Just keep praying and working at it. And come on over any time you need to vent. You'll probably hear the same things in return!
I agree with Nancy and Katharine, girlfriend you rock!!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself. We all feel the same way some of the time, but believe me you need not feel this way. You are truly one of the most fabulous people that I know!
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