"I don't know how much I can tell you about my Grandpa. I never lived near him. I never spent a ton of time with him over the years. I didn't talk to him every day. Today, those facts pain me.I can tell you, though, that I knew my grandfather well. Maybe not little facts and maybe not big chunks of history.
But, I knew my grandfather. When I was younger, I knew a visit to St. Louis meant a visit to the candy store, chaperoned by Grandpa. I knew there was always a lap to snuggle into and arms to fall into. I always knew, bright and early, before Nana was up, I would get some of the best cinnamon toast I'd ever eat.
Sitting in the hospital with him over the past few days, I realized how well I knew him. I knew his facial expressions. I knew his voice and his sounds. I knew his hands. I knew he loved my chocolate, and I knew that every time I called, he would be so excited to hear from me.
I know he could be a crumudgin, and I know he could be particular. But, I know he was also forgiving and accepting.
Most importantly, I knew his love. His love for me, for my family, and for my Nana."
I wrote this about two and a half months ago, the day after he died. For some reason, I just wasn't able to finish it or to publish it. It has been sitting in my box since then. Things have changed, though, and now it is about my Nana.
I can tell you more about my Nana, as she was a bigger talker. Lots of little facts about her life. The important ones, though, are the ones that I have stored away in my heart. She always smelled of Sweet Honesty. She loved angels and had many, many figurines of angels (her maiden name was Angell!). I can still hear her calling me "Manda" -- she and my grandpa were the some of the very few people in the world who called me that.
She always held my face in her two hands when she kissed me. We talked many times about how I married a man very much like my grandfather, and she always had experienced advice on how to handle him. She used to underline almost every word in our birthday cards, because she actually meant every last one of them. I will never forget the way she looked at my grandfather as she sat devotedly by his side, lovingly caressing his hand as he was dying. She taught me many, many lessons about love and devotion.
Yesterday, my sweet Nana joined my Grandpa in Heaven. I think we all knew it was coming, but none of us expected it when it happened. She simply took a nap and did not wake up.
My heart hurts. For me, for my mom and aunt, my cousin, and my brother. This all has been a huge loss for us in the past few months. It was all so fast, and I am so wishing I had taken more time to be with them. I am wishing for more time.
However, I am also completely overwhelmed with the realization of God's goodness. With how well He knows us. With how much He loves us. How Awe-some He is. He is so Awesome that He knew two and a half months were long enough for my Nana to be without her husband of 61 years. He is so Awesome that He knew she had no desire to be back in the hospital again. He is so Awesome that He knew how tired her earthly body was. And He is so Awesome that yesterday, after she fell asleep, He woke her up at the gates of Heaven. Arms extended, welcoming and loving her, Grandpa by His side.
So, yes, my heart hurts. Really hurts. But, it also rejoices for the rewards that my grandparents have received. For the hope of a future with Him. And in the knowledge that I will be with my sweet, sweet grandparents again someday.
